When tanks will be beaten into tractors.

and we each need some human connection. some sort of pull. - it's funny how no one reacts to the changing of the gaurds up here. i feel like i'm living in a suburban gated community. oh no, it's just the upper west side. I live in a gold lipstick case. jesus christ. I am so blinded - by my own apathy. venturing along the f train - i experienced 10 stops out of this epi-center, i call home. the cold wind biting at my cheeks.  the smell on a winter tuesday night is just different out there. 

How can I put a downer on today, but i stick with Joan Didion. He's not the prophet. she is still going to be effed. 

the time bites at my fingers. i wish so badly to organize. but what?  I need to stand above my own childish fancies and insecurities.  

tonight we took apart Comus and The Stranger. 

this is how i feel today. i feel so apathetic. that is the problem. - I have no desire to leave this house. except eating a decent veggie meal, might appeal. dad just walkd by and was like "you are still here" i'm like, yea, i live here, its a sunday and cold outside, where am i going to go? - He makes me feel guilty when i am not with people - this is a gloomy day, and yet i must remember it is only one note in the symphony of my soul. :) 

these are a few of my favorite things. narf.

i always use to wish i had a group of friends. not like singular people i knew in seperate spaces of time. but like 20 people who all knew each other. but then, everytime it started happening, a group formation. i had to like go and run over someones cat, becuase i couldnt take the holly jollyness of it all.

today my fortune cookie read "If you want it....take it"

What the difference btw this and a live journal?

I took the tot to the museum today. her mom gave me 160$ and a goodbye hug. I dont think i've ever loved a client as much as i have loved adele.